So I just watched the TV premiere of Zapped on Disney Channel – why wouldn’t I? – and I somehow stumbled upon the fact that it’s based on a book called “Boys are Dogs”. Most people would say that’s offensive, but honestly, when you think about it, it’s great to be a dog! Especially when the movie pointed out that girls are cats, and, well, cats are selfish, lazy, and not so fun to have around. I know, I know, it describes me perfectly, but can we switch that saying around and say that boys are cats and girls are dogs? Please? But I digress. I’m on a mission to show you that being a dog is awesome, and here’s why:
1. All dogs, whether lanky, fat, fluffy, or even flat-faced, are considered adorable. While this should be the same for humans, the sad truth is that it’s not. So when you say that boys are dogs, what you’re really saying is that they’re all perfect the way they are, and they’re all deserving of your love. Basically, you’re using top secret code to tell them they’re cute. While I don’t actually suggest using that particular phrase to a guy (they might take it the wrong way), flirt it off in your head all you want!
2. Dogs basically have the whole world as their personal bathroom! Why worry about whether the bathroom is clean when the Earth is your oyster…err, toilet.
3. I know for a fact that there are tons of people who hate going to school everyday. This was me during A LOT of junior year. Well guess what? If you were a dog, there would be no need to go to school! In fact, most of the time you wouldn’t even be allowed there! Plus, you wouldn’t have to take the ACT, SAT, or even go to college. And a job? Pssh! You wouldn’t even have to pay for a shelter or food…life’s good. So next time you rub a magic lamp and find a genie, don’t wish for endless amounts of money, wish that you were a dog!
4. If you’re a dog and you eat so much that you look like a ball, it’s not unattractive! In fact, most of the time it only makes you more appealing to people! That means you can eat whatever you want and only look adorable! And adorable brings you free treats and belly rubs from people you don’t know!! Plus, if you wanna be a couch potato, you can; no one will yell. So tell me again why being called a dog is insulting??
5. The most important reason that being a dog is a total complement is that, like the movie Zapped showed us, dogs are loyal, and will never go against their instincts. How the heck could that ever be a bad thing? Here’s your answer: it can’t. You’d be more honorable than probably half the humans on the planet. No offense intended toward those 50% of humans.